i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Fuck appropriateness.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
