Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
