LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
