Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
