Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
