i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
