I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
