just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
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It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
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I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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