as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
