i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
