you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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