I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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