So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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