god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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