I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
