At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
