Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Randomize
