Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
