never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize