well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
