I accidentally burped into my bong.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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