I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
