I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
