Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
