We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
