My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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