The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
