And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
