you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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