there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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