I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
