Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
