The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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