real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
