good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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