My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
