I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
