just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she told me i tasted like america
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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