I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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