wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
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You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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