Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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