do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize