The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
