I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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