If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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