he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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