Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
