I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize