I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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