let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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