Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
