omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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