I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
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I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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