I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
