i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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