Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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