They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
