We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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