yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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