How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
