Who wears a wallet chain?!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
