people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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