I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
