I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
