look no pants
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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