Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
