Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
