and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
