I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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