If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
