I think I died a long time ago.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
