I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
