I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
