Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
