Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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