i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
as a side note pls kill me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
